Sunday, February 14, 2010

Where's my barn?

My best friend bought the farm today. She stammered for help… I, I, Farm - don’t know where - please help me.
She skyped my sister for help, but got no answer. My sister, who lives clear across the ocean phoned me at 10:30 in the evening quite concerned. “Is everything OK?”
“Have you (pause) spoken to Trixie?”
Me - in a half a bottle of Spanish Rioja fog… “Ahhh, no I haven’t, um why?”
“Well she skyped me (pause)… and wrote stammering sentences about large sums of money, and a lost farm, or barn or (another pause)… Was she involved in one of those phone scams that happen to old people?”
Me - “Now why would Trixie buy a barn over the phone from a total stranger. Franz maybe, but not Trixie.”
My 12 year old daughter was listening.
“Mom, Trixie can’t find her 40,000 gold coin barn she bought on Farmville.”
Farmville, well that explains everything.
Margaret said it would be a good idea for Trixie to add some Amish neighbors to her Farmville and have a barn raising. Good idea, but Trixie is from South Africa, I don’t know if she knows what Amish people are. And besides that, Amish don’t have computers, thus no Farmville.
I phoned her this afternoon, and apparently she still hasn’t found her barn. I went to her farm to try and straighten the whole thing out. I saw the beginnings of a horse stable. Just the framework. Why would anyone buy just the framework?. Or perhaps they’re making Farmville more realistic. Little Farmville builders come and start a half-ass job, and then stop midway. Leaving you’re farm looking like a white trash, plot of land. Soon they’ll offer that oh-so-appealing TYVEK siding people in America are so fond of.
Or is that the Yo-ville game… I figured Yo-Ville is more city stuff. You find virtual subsidized housing, and shop with virtual food stamps the beginning of every month at a virtual K-Mart.
What we need is a Trailerville. You could upgrade to a double-wide depending on how many XP you earn by making babies. And the more “Babies Daddies” you have, the more gold coins you earn. Gifts for your Trailerville friends and neighbors could include RID kits, Cut & Curl coupons for a mullet trim, or muscle shirts AKA “wife-beaters”.
Well, I seem to have gotten off the subject here. Where was I? What was I writing about? Ah yes, Trixie’s lost barn. I believe it is stuck on a virtual island somewhere.
It is filled with pink cows, and possibly a polar bear. If Trixie can make it to the temple where the Frank Zappa dude translates for the Asian guy, I believe she will find her barn.
Good Luck Trixie.