Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Dude, where's my car?

Last week I left the grocery store, and wheeled the shopping cart down the sidewalk to my car. I felt like a bag lady, but I had bought too much to carry. I pushed all the way down to the end of the sidewalk and realized I must have passed my car. Getting more embarrassing by the minute. I turned the cart around, and began pushing back the way I came. By the way, it was snowing, and really hard to maneuver. Now I am back at the entrance to the store - full cart and all. My first thought, is anyone watching me? Where the fuck is my car? I pretended to be fumbling for my car keys. Once again, I pushed the cart down the sidewalk. Slowly, slowly... There are only 12 cars parked in front of the store. I stopped, and once again pretended to be looking for my car keys. Because losing the keys is feasible. Losing your car is not. Then I remembered I had taken Alexander’s little purple car that day, and not my silver mini-van that I was searching for.

Shitty Curry

I Sautéed up 4 chicken breasts for lunch. Wasn’t sure what it would be. I pillaged the fridge. (My motto: When in doubt, make refrigerator surprise.)The chopped spring onion from Sunday’s homemade pizza party looked useable. (“looked useable” = not green and fuzzy) The chopped mushrooms, not so useable. The three carrots – possibly from 2011 – were fine. (Oh all right, I peeled them “real good” as my mom used to say.) So… smelling pretty good. There was one problem. Julia would have a fit if she saw the onion in it. I removed the chicken, and pureed the carrots, onions and broth with my immersion mixer. It looked fantastic. I thought about adding a dash of half and half (That’s a lie, it’s heavy whipping cream) and serving carrot soup. Julia likes that. I tasted it, and… can you say Gerber. Yup. Carrot baby food. No matter. My friend Trixie swears you can fix anything with curry. (Even the not so useable stuff from the back of the fridge.) I Poured the Gerber into the pan and added curry powder, cumin, hot and sweet paprika, and garlic powder. Taste test, Curried baby food. I remembered the can of coconut milk in the cupboard. (oops, I forgot to add cheap. Cheap coconut milk.) I opened the can, and it was solid. There was a little bit of liquid at the bottom, but for the most part it was like sour cream, or maybe like Crisco. Oh well, in it went. Taste test number three – suntan lotion. Not even curried suntan lotion, nope. Just Coppertone SPF 0. I am not one to give up. I don’t want to toot my own horn, but I really can cook. (Just not today.) More curry – About seventeen and a half tablespoons. Taste test. Some salt and another Taste test. Decided fresh ground pepper would be good – certainly it couldn’t hurt. (Oh those famous last words…) The pepper corn after being ground smelled like horse poop. (Now WHY would I make that up.) Organic, my friends, is not always tasty. Earthy, yes. Tasty, no.
So… Now I have Coppertone flavored Gerber strained carrots with a hint of horse shit.
I left everything on the stove – All in separate pans. Rice, chicken and curry sauce. A “help yourself” lunch. Julia ate it up and liked it. Alex added soy sauce – but Alex has a wicked cold and can’t taste anything. Me, well I’m full from all the tasting. Guten Appetit.

I totally forgot... After adding the coconut milk, I pulled the cinnamon out of the spice cupboard instead of the curry and dumped in a good four tablespoons. Spooned out what I could into a dish. So, Julia, that answers your question of the "nasty brown shit" in the bowl.