Sunday, February 6, 2011

Don't leave yet, what's the worst that can happen?

Why does the bathroom smell like you gave the puppy a bath? Oh, those stupid, stupid questions mothers ask their children.
"Mom, I don't want to talk about it. I had one of the most stressful days of my life, I just don't want to talk about it."
Well if that doesn't peek my curiosity (that, and wet dog smell) I don't know what will.
Patrick took the dog across the street to his friends house. While there, Patrick ate lachs, and didn't like it. He really didn't like it. So much so, he had to vomit. Not wanting to vomit on the neighbours kitchen floor, he left. Walking across the street, he didn't think he was going to make it home to the toilet. These were his thoughts... (and I quote)
"If I puke up fish in the middle of the street the dog is going to want to eat it."
His plan was to get the dog inside the back door, and then throw up in the back yard - because that is closer than the toilet.
He opened the back door, put the dog down, and said to Alex, "I'm gonna..."
He then threw up all over the floor, every nook and crany of the door frame, and, yes, on the dog.
According to Patrick, he had to pick up the pukey puppy, because as he suspected, the puppy did indeed want to eat it. What to do, what to do.
So He called Aunt Margaret in America to see if it was okay to bath the puppy. (I don't know if he told hey why.) Aunt Margaret said yes, and suggested using ham to keep the dog quiet in the bath tub. (Which explained the empty package of ham by the side of the tub.)
He used Julia's Addidas Soft Cotton soap, and I don't know how many of my good bath towels.
The puppy is really soft, and smells like spring time cotton and fish puke.
The living room is clean, but I am now out of Q-Tips. Patrick needed them to get all the cracks of the door frame clean.
Alexander and Julia said they have never laughed that hard. Ever.
The next time someone says to me, "Your kids are fine! Don't leave yet! What's the worst that can happen..." (And then inveigle me with plum cake and the opportunity to feed the most adorable baby in the world.) I will simply reply, "Well, they may have puked on the puppy."

4 comments:

Jim Martin said...

OMG! Still, I'm glad you stayed to feed the baby. It sounds like a good trade-off, right? And now you know that Patrick is allergic to salmon.

Twintensity said...

WHY ARE YOU NOT FAMOUS YET?! THIS IS TOO TOO FUNNY! Really needed that laugh - LOL even.

I miss you Liz.

But you can still make me laugh oceans and continents away.

BRILLIANT!

Twintensity said...

Oh dear. I just realized this means you got a puppy.

More stories to follow, I bet.

Anonymous said...

this is like an agatha christie novel seriuosly. you should start off though more with the scene of the crime, all the weid details and then go through and explain what no one could ever make up themselves..that is if you wanted to turn this into an agatha christy book, or agatha Crusty..better author name, more fitting ;)