Margaret and Sharon - Friends, neighbours, and Garden Artists.
Two driveways side by side separated by a beautiful three-foot-wide flowerbed.
I walked out the back door and to my horror saw my mother trying to back her car out of my sister's driveway. She had Adam (my 21 year old nephew) in the back seat and was going to give him a ride home. When I "arrived on the scene" her car was kitty-corner in the driveway and about to hit the front porch. She straighted it out, and now all she had to do was back straight up. That's it. But she kept backing into the flowers - actually, she kept backing down the row of flowers between the two driveways.
...Mom, get out of the car! Mom, you're in the flowers!
...No I'm not! (Pulls forward, backs up again EVEN FURTHER into, and down the flowerbed)
...MOM! (I bang on car window) PULL FORWARD AND GET OUT OF THE CAR!
meanwhile... Adam is sitting in the back seat. Just sitting there, kind of staring at me like maybe it's Aunt Liz that is crazy. And my mother has a manical look in her eye. It's frightening. Pam (who resides in the house from aforementioned flowerbed has arrived from walking the dog and is standing on the sidewalk. She KNOWS not to try and walk behind my mother's car because if she does, Sally WILL floor the gas and run her over. So she stands, leash in hand, and wonders if maybe she is having a bizarre dream. Meanwhile, Ray (my sister's boyfriend) has pulled up in his (stupid-ass-butt-ugly) Hummer. He stops in the middle of pulling in, and cuts the engine. I am still yelling...
...PULL FORWARD! GET OUT OF THE FUCKEN CAR!...
When (enter holy music) Margaret (my sister, owner of house and driveway. Co-owner of driver, and mother of passanger in car) comes walking up the sidewalk.
Thank God! It's Margaret! Margaret will make everything better! Margaret will fix everything.
I don't think Margaret noticed me, or Pam with dog in tow, or Ray, or Ray's (stupid-ass-butt-ugly) Hummer. Or the small crowd that had begun to gather. No, what Margaret saw was her first-born sitting (clueless) in the back seat of a crazy old woman‘s car. He mind flashed through twenty-one years of memories starting with pushing out a 12-pound baby boy and ending with the last time they hugged.
She calmly walked over to the car...
...Hi Adam. Would mind getting out of Gramma's car? That‘s right. Just get out please....
Adam got out (still clueless) and Margaret looks at my mom and says...
... Okay Mom, your fine, just keep backing up, I'll see you tomorrow...
Sally backs down the through the flowers, which are literally crunching and snapping, pulls into the street, and proceeds to drive (in the wrong direction) home. Black-eyed Susans' hanging out of her muffler.
Two driveways side by side separated by a beautiful three-foot-wide flowerbed.
I walked out the back door and to my horror saw my mother trying to back her car out of my sister's driveway. She had Adam (my 21 year old nephew) in the back seat and was going to give him a ride home. When I "arrived on the scene" her car was kitty-corner in the driveway and about to hit the front porch. She straighted it out, and now all she had to do was back straight up. That's it. But she kept backing into the flowers - actually, she kept backing down the row of flowers between the two driveways.
...Mom, get out of the car! Mom, you're in the flowers!
...No I'm not! (Pulls forward, backs up again EVEN FURTHER into, and down the flowerbed)
...MOM! (I bang on car window) PULL FORWARD AND GET OUT OF THE CAR!
meanwhile... Adam is sitting in the back seat. Just sitting there, kind of staring at me like maybe it's Aunt Liz that is crazy. And my mother has a manical look in her eye. It's frightening. Pam (who resides in the house from aforementioned flowerbed has arrived from walking the dog and is standing on the sidewalk. She KNOWS not to try and walk behind my mother's car because if she does, Sally WILL floor the gas and run her over. So she stands, leash in hand, and wonders if maybe she is having a bizarre dream. Meanwhile, Ray (my sister's boyfriend) has pulled up in his (stupid-ass-butt-ugly) Hummer. He stops in the middle of pulling in, and cuts the engine. I am still yelling...
...PULL FORWARD! GET OUT OF THE FUCKEN CAR!...
When (enter holy music) Margaret (my sister, owner of house and driveway. Co-owner of driver, and mother of passanger in car) comes walking up the sidewalk.
Thank God! It's Margaret! Margaret will make everything better! Margaret will fix everything.
I don't think Margaret noticed me, or Pam with dog in tow, or Ray, or Ray's (stupid-ass-butt-ugly) Hummer. Or the small crowd that had begun to gather. No, what Margaret saw was her first-born sitting (clueless) in the back seat of a crazy old woman‘s car. He mind flashed through twenty-one years of memories starting with pushing out a 12-pound baby boy and ending with the last time they hugged.
She calmly walked over to the car...
...Hi Adam. Would mind getting out of Gramma's car? That‘s right. Just get out please....
Adam got out (still clueless) and Margaret looks at my mom and says...
... Okay Mom, your fine, just keep backing up, I'll see you tomorrow...
Sally backs down the through the flowers, which are literally crunching and snapping, pulls into the street, and proceeds to drive (in the wrong direction) home. Black-eyed Susans' hanging out of her muffler.
5 comments:
Beautiful story - as ugly a site it must have been!
FANTASTIC. Down to the last line. Do you have an editor for it yet?!
that is a true story!
I can just see this all unfolding.........That's your MOM for you!!!!
Lol I can see it all happening....
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